Shut up!
by yugified
Summary: What would happen if Yugi stopped tolerating Tea? Rated for mild language R&R would be nice! Yay, It's finished!
1. Tea, shut up

Shut up!  
  
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Hmm... I don't hate her with a great loathing like some do, but she gets more annoying every day. This is a Tea bashing fic(I seem to like those...) so Tea fans can just- oh WAIT, I remember, I like flames and we're having a marshmallow roast later. Okay, Tea fans, this is where Yami and Tea fall in love and have 64 kids with graphic details when each of them are being concieved! ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: MEEEE NOOOOO OOOOOWWWWWNNNNN YOOOGIIIIII! ... Oh.  
  
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"Augh."  
  
Yugi leaned over his cards. He was tired, and he knew he shouldn't Duel while he was tired. He had gotten up at four AM to Duel some stupid kid who insisted that he was so busy that four AM was the only time he could Duel the world's Duel Monsters champion. The kid had already insisted that when Yugi attacked he had a trap card lined up when there were absoloutely no cards on the field. Yugi was sure the kid had cards shoved up his sleeves.  
  
"Well, are you going to move or what Yugi? You know, for being the supposed champion of the world, you Duel like crap."  
  
The usually happy well-mannered Yugi was just about to snap and start strangling the kid. In a normal humour fic, that's exactly what would have happened, but I'm not normal. "Yugiiiiii!" The child whined. Yugi had a crappy hand, and he was losing. Tea's "encouragment" in the background didn't help. Usually, his friends only came to cheer him on at championship Duels or when he was in a tournament. Not Tea. Joey, Tristan, Ryou, and Yami were all way too tired to get up at four AM to watch him Duel some kid. But Tea would get up and tag after Yugi if he was Duelling a frog. Every time Yugi Duelled, he was given the extra challenge of ignoring Tea's annoying voice.   
  
"C'mon Yugi, you can beat this kid, he's just a stupid little Duel Monsters newbie, you can beat him, you can beat him, Yugi..."  
  
Of course it all put enourmous pressure on poor little Yugi. He stared bleary-eyed down at his cards and put a hand on his forehead muttering "Why the hell am I here?" to himself, to Tea's increased cheers. Finally he realized one of his cards had been hidden behind another and he'd been staring at the end of his misery for five minutes. He smiled to himself and placed the Dark Magician on the field in attack mode and watched in satisfaction as the boy opposite him's face dropped. The small audience around him cheered. Yugi stood up quietly, grabbed his knapsack and walked out of the room to go home and get some shut-eye.  
  
That wasen't the end of it, though. Tea tagged after him yelling things halfway down the street like "Wait to go, Yugi!" and "That was such an awesome move you pulled to beat that kid!" while running after him. Yugi's good mood from his victory soon faded. Having a lunatic chase you down the street as if you were a famous celebrity and her the psychotic fangirl would put you out of your good mood, too. Finally when Tea caught up to Yugi and was babbling, Yugi snapped. Usually Yugi would've been nice and just said something like, "Thanks Tea, but now I have to go home and get some rest," or, "Thanks Tea, I don't know what I would have done without you cheering me on," but not today. Yugi was really too tired to get rid of Tea nicely. He spun around to face her. "Tea, shut up." Tea stopped in the middle of a praising sentance. "What?"  
  
Yugi sighed and pulled his slipping knapsack back up on his shoulder.  
  
"Tea, have I ever told you your whining is really annoying?"  
  
Tea was taken by surprise. "No, you haven't, I thought... Yugi..."  
  
Yugi knew he was being rude but didn't care. "Okay, I know you're just cheering me on, but it gets really ANNOYING after a while. You're repeating yourself while I'm trying to concentrate. And WHY, may I ask, did you follow me to a Duel at four AM in the morning?"   
  
(a/n: "And furthermore, take those damned breast implants out!" Okay, okay, I'm not THAT mean.)  
  
"Yugi... I just... I didn't mean too..." her lower lip trembled. Yugi shook his head and looked her in the eye. "Don't be so obsessive, Tea. I'm sure you've got more in your life to do then be my fangirl."  
  
With that, Yugi turned in the direction of his home and stalked off into the fading night. 


	2. Yugi gets sold insurance

Shut up!  
  
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Hmm... *pokes her fic* Not enough humour... or Tea bashing o.O Ah well, who says it has to be good? Or in character for that matter? o.o  
  
Disclaimer: I own erm... Two Micheal Jackson CD's, a teddy bear and an account on Fanfiction.net called "Yugified". But I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Nope.  
  
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Tea lay in bed, asleep. She was having a nightmare again. Someone was chasing her, across a long, unsturdy bridge. The bridge broke just before Tea could get across it. She leaped, feeling relief, sure she would make it to the other side. Beyond the bridge was safety, the monster would fall and she'd be rid of it and never have a nightmare again. Almost there... and then she fell. No, she was wrong, she'd jumped too soon and estimated her landing wrong. She was falling, to the cold, silent river below, to be pulled under by the monster...  
  
She woke up and sat upright in bed, her heart beating rapidly, her eyes wide in the night. She looked at the clock. Six AM. She'd been having this dream for a week now. Each time she was given a chance to jump, each time she fell... she wondered what it meant. It made her feel scared and it creeped her out.  
  
Tea got out of bed and went downstairs for a glass of warm milk. It didn't do much to calm her down, but it helped her think.  
  
"Now, what can I do about this dream... I need something to soothe me... ah, I know... I think I'll call Yugi!"  
  
Tea completely forgot(or ignored) the fact that two hours ago Yugi had told her to "shut up". She picked up the phone and dialed his number. The keys included in Yugi's number were worn out on her phone. Tea waited for Yugi to pick up.  
  
(Yugi's)  
  
The phone woke Yugi up. He looked up at the digital clock. "Six AM... Ugh." He pulled the covers over his head. Yami stirred in the bed next to Yugi's. "Don't bother answering it," he mumbled, as tired as Yugi. The phone rang persistantly before Yugi kicked back the covers and answered it. "Yugi, thank God you picked up, I'm having this recurring nightmare an-" a high voice poured out of the phone in a rush of words. "Teeeeaaaaaa?" Yugi asked groggily, slurring his words together as if he'd misplaced them. "Whaa you phoning me au' thi' hour?" Tea sighed into the phone.  
  
"I'm having this nightmare, Yugi, and it's freaking me out! It's this dream where this monster's chasing me," Tea's words were still fast and annoying, "and I have to jump off this bridge and I fall and die every time! And I can never get back to sleep and I just need someone to soothe me and tell me it's going to be okay and this dream doesn't mean anything like someone's trying to kill me! Tell me it's going to be okay, Yugi." Tea cuddled the phone under her ear as if it were a baby and waited for Yugi's reasurring voice. Instead she got a heavy sigh.   
  
"Tea..." "Yeah Yugi?" "Shut up."  
  
Yugi proceeded to tell her he didn't need anyone phoning him at this hour, that he needed his rest if he was going to succeed at Duel Monsters OR school, and that Tea was totally obsessing over here and why she decided to phone *him*, of all people, when she had a nightmare. Once he was finished Yugi could practically hear Tea's face fall on the floor with a loud clatter. "But Yugi," she said, sounding upset and whiney, "I'm always there for you when you're Duelling, I'm always cheering *you* on and making *you* feel loved, and that there's someone there when you need them, why can't you do the same for me, Yugi?"  
  
Yugi rolled his eyes. "Do you really need someone there for you at six in the morning?"  
  
Tea's bottom lip quivered. "Well, yes!" Yugi heaved a heavy, tired sigh. "Shut up, Tea. Just... shut up." Tea began blabbering about friendship very fast while Yugi repeated "Shut up... shut up... shut up..." and finally slammed down the phone. He stalked back upstairs and climbed into the bed next to Yami's. "Who was it?" Yami mumbled. Yugi sighed. "Some bitch from another time zone trying to sell me insurance." 


	3. Madly in love

Shut up!  
  
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Yes, well, here is where Yugi and Tea fall madly in love and we have the graphic description of the concievement of their first child. Uh-huh. P.S. I was being sarcastic with the romance in the genre. Unless you count Tea's heart being broken.  
  
Disclaimer: I own... NOTHING! BWUHAHA! BWUHAHA! MWUHAHAHA! *coughcoughHACK* ....... 'Specially not Yu-Gi-Oh.  
  
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Tea woke up, yawned, and stretched. Then she remembered something from the night before. Was it the fact she had called Yugi and disturbed him in the middle of the night? Nooo. Ah yes, she was deeply and madly in love with Yami! She thought she should finally get around to telling him, but was too shy. Tea decided she should finally get around to admiting her feelings for Yami. What was the worse he could do? Reject her? No, Yami would never do that. Tea was sure he was as deeply and madly in love with her as she was with him! She saw the way he stared at her... (Flashback: Yami's face with a look of disgust on it.)  
  
"Yugi... Yugi?" Joey shook the sleeping Yugi awake, who had been leaning against his shoulder snoring. "What, chihuahua?" Yugi snorted. "Oh, yeah. Sorry." Yugi, Tristan and Joey were sitting on a park bench conversing the latest Duel Monsters cards when Yugi had fallen asleep for the fifth time because of his lack of sleep that morning. "You shouldn't have accepted that Duel, you know..." Joey stated. "Yeah, well, the stupid kid was stalking me and wouldn't accept a different time," Yugi sighed.   
  
"That kid couldn't have been that good... it only takes an hour for you to Duel someone on average, why are you so tired?" Joey eyed Yugi and teased him out of old habit. "Did wittle Yoogi stay up past his bedtime?" Joey grinned. "Stop it," Yugi's eye twitched, and was about to tell Joey to shut up, but reconsidered. That was Tea's compliment.  
  
"*Someone* phoned me at six and I couldn't get back to sleep," Yugi explained. "Wow... who was that?" Tristan asked. "Oh, no one... just some brunette bimbo named Tea Gardener." Joey raised an eyebrow. "Tea? Why did she call you?" Yugi shrugged. "She said something about a nightmare and wanting to be "soothed"..."  
  
"Hiiiiii guyssss!" Tea walked up and chirped in her overly-cheery voice. "Hi, Tea," the three of them muttered back, none of them making eye contact with her. "Yugi?" Yugi cautiously looked up. "Yeah?" "Do you mind if I speak with Yami?"  
  
Yugi sighed inwardly. "Okay, Tea." Yami got up and walked off with Tea.  
  
Tea began to blush furiously even as she was talking. It came in very helpful, her annoying talent for spewing out stuff about friendship really fast. Yami could hardly understand her as she began to talk, and all he caught was the last few words at the end of the five-minute-long rant.   
  
"...andwell, Iguessitgrewintosomethingmore, our friendship, and, well, IguesswhatI'mtryingtosayis, I LOVE YOU YAMI."  
  
Yami had a bored expression on his face, the same expression he got every time he was duelling and had to pretend to listen to Tea's rants about friendship. When he caught the last four words of Tea's rant, his eyes went wide. "WHAT?" he almost screamed. He looked down at Tea. She was blushing furiously, looking up at Yami with wide eyes, waiting. Yami could see just a trace of tears in her eyes.   
  
"Oh God," Yugi sighed. "Let her down NICELY, Yami."  
  
"How?" Yami screamed at him. "I haven't dealt with a girl in five thousand years!" "You think I find this easy?" Yugi hissed. "Tell her you need to think about it!"  
  
"Well?" Tea interrupted Yugi's and Yami's mind conversation. Yami folded his arms and chewed on his bottom lip, trying to put on a good show. "Well..." he sighed, making up something on the spot. "I guess I've never considered you and me being more then friends. Give me some time to think about it, Tea. I have to go now so uh, bye!" He grinned at Tea and walked away, leaving her standing there, staring after him.  
  
***   
  
Yugi raised an eyebrow at Yami. They both sat on Yugi's bed. Yami pretended to ignore him. "WHAT?!" he finally snapped at him. Yugi's face said it for him. "Like you could've done any better," he mumbled. "Congratulations, Pharoah. Tea Gardener is probably sitting in her room right now sobbing uncontrolably into her pillow." "Oh, and what was I supposed to say?" Yugi blinked at this question and didn't say anything. "She's not going to bawl over this... I'm sure it's just a stupid crush, and she didn't know what it was, and now that she's thought about it she's going to let it go."  
  
Yugi raised his eyebrow again. "Riiiight."  
  
(Tea's house)  
  
Tea's mother stood outside the locked door of her room listening to her child sob. "Te-a!" She groaned. "It's almost dinner time, you're going to have to come out of there sooner or later!" "NO, I'M NOT!" she screamed, then let out another rush of tears.  
  
Why? Why could've have he just loved her? She'd been nothing but supportive of him. Okay, maybe a little over-supportive, but she meant well! Maybe it just wasen't meant to be...  
  
A smile crept over Tea's face. She reassured herself her and Yami were meant for eachother. And she had an idea. 


	4. Things get even crazier

Shut up!  
  
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Hmm. I hate begging for reviews. But they'd be nice! o.O Now, Yugi, you do the disclaimer.  
  
Yugi: Why, why, why me?  
  
Ash: BECAUSE I SAID SO THAT'S WHY!  
  
Yugi: I'm not doing the *beep*ing disclaimer!  
  
Ash: Fine. Yami?  
  
Yami: *Hiding under Yugi's bed*  
  
Ash: OKAY, RYOU GETS STUCK DOING IT!  
  
Ryou: *Whimpers*  
  
Disclaimer: Ryou: Ah-hem... Um... this nutcase doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Ash: Ryou, you have to say WHICH nutcase. Ryou: *points at Ash's screenname* That one.  
  
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Little did Tea know, Yugi was coming up with a plan of his own. Yugi sat cross-legged on his bed discussing with Yami what they should do about the whole Tea problem, when the phone next to Yugi's bed(the same one that had interrupted his sleep a two nights ago.. curses!) rang. Yugi didn't have to get up to answer it. "Hello?" "Hi Yugi. Can I speak to Yami?" Yugi's eyes bugged out. Yami heard and scoweled. "Uh, sure you can Tea." He forced the phone at Yami.  
  
"Hi, Yami!" Tea put on a sickeningly sweet voice. On the other line, Tea was doing that thing where she cuddled the phone under her ear. Yami resisted sighing. "Hello, Tea." Tea grinned. "I was wondering if you'd like to go out Saturday night..." Yugi overhead and his face broke into a mocking grin. Yami looked sick. "Uh, Tea, about that... I don't think I really... feel the same for you as you do for me." Yugi fell off his bed in silent laughter. Yami gave Yugi an "if looks could kill you'd be dead" look.  
  
Tea ignored Yami's rejection. "So, Saturday is good for you? Pick me up at around... 6-ish." Yami looked at the phone. "Uh, Tea... are you feeling alright?" "I love you too, Yami. Bye!" Tea hung up.   
  
Yugi burst out laughing. "It's not funny!" Yami growled. "I just turned her down for a date. And I'm still picking her up on Saturday... at six..." "Six-ish," Yugi corrected him. "Whatever! I think she's on drugs," Yami sighed. "So what are you going to do?" Yugi asked. "Not show up, I guess."  
  
***   
  
*Sunday*  
  
Phone rings. Yugi answers. "Hi Yugi. It's Tea." She doesn't sound as cheery as she did the last time she phoned. "Can I please speak to Yami." Yugi rolled his eyes. "Okay, Tea." He forced the phone at Yami. Yami crossed his arms and shook his head no. Yugi copied Yami's "if looks could kill" look and Yami reluctantly took the phone. "Yeah, Tea?" "I can't BELIEVE you stood me up!" Tea yelled into the phone, damaging Yami's hearing. "Tea, we never had a date. You phoned me up. I turned you down. You pretended I didn't." Tea ignored him.   
  
"I put on my best outfit, and I waited and waited for you to show up, and you never did you creep! You are so cruel!" 'She's freaking me out!' Yami mouthed at Yugi. "Tea, we never had a date." "When I said six-ISH, I didn't mean never!" Tea burst out sobbing. Yami grimaced and had to listen to it. "YOU ARE THE WORST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD!" she spat into the phone, and hung up. Yami put down the phone slowly. Yugi looked at him. "Well?"  
  
Yami blinked. "I think I just got dumped."  
  
***   
  
Tea approached Yami after school. She sighed. "Yami, I forgive you for not showing up. Just don't do that again, okay? I know you have other things on your mind, but I'm important too, okay?" People around them were listening. Yami tried, once again, to blow Tea off. "Tea, we have no relationship. We never have, and we never will. What's wrong with you?"  
  
Tea sighed again. "Just walk me home, Yami." To Yami's horror, she put her arms around his neck and tried to kiss him. He pushed her away. "Tea!" She smiled teasingly and approached him again. "Come onnnn, don't be shy!" Yami's eyes bugged out. He didn't give her a chance. He spun around and outright ran in the direction of Grandpa's game shop. Tea chased him all the way home.  
  
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(Oh yeah. Remember to review!) 


	5. Ending

Shut up!  
  
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Oookay, now I have to do something about the entire "romance" thing in the genre. It's a *parody* of Yugi and Tea's "romance". No, there is no shonen ai. o.o; ...At all. Now, onto the disclaimer. *Looks in the corner, Ryou's sitting there tied to a chair with tape over his mouth*   
  
Ryou: MMHMMMPH MMMFH MMM!  
  
Ash: Oh, shut up and do the disclaimer.  
  
Ryou: Mmmph?  
  
Ash: *Rips the tape off his mouth*  
  
Ryou: Why are you abusing ME?!  
  
Ash: Because you gave in easily before.  
  
Ryou: *Lip quivers*  
  
Ash: o.o -.- Okay, fine. I'll do it.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.  
  
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Yami slammed the door shut, panting, while Tea banged on it with her fists outside. "Sooooo, how are things with you and Tea?" Yugi asked cheerfully. "The girl," Yami panted, "is on... DRUGS!"  
  
He collapsed on the floor. Yugi leaned over him. "We have to do something about this Yami." Yami shook his head. "Nope. I'm not talking to her. It doesn't work. And next time, she's going to try to rape me. I know it!"  
  
Yugi rolled his eyes. "Okay," he said patiently, "confrontation doesn't work. Now do you know what we do?" "Umm..." "Shove a knife through her head? No. Sending the mafia after her would be a good idea, but, we aren't in a mafia."  
  
Yami sighed and sat up. "Get to the point, Yugi."  
  
Yugi went into the kitchen and got the telephone. "Simple. We call someone to get rid of her for us," Yugi explained, handing the phone to Yami. "But who do we know that would do that?" Yami asked. Yugi grinned.  
  
***   
  
Yugi sat at a desk in a dark office, his face half-covered by shadows. Marik Ishtar sat opposite him, entirely covered by shadow. Ever since the Millenium Rod had been gotten rid of, no one had heard from Marik. They all assumed he had gone to live with his sister, but they didn't know, Marik could never be the perfect, cute little boy he once was.  
  
Yugi took a deep breath. "We have a problem." Marik crossed his arms. "And what do I care about that?" he drawled. "We can pay you." "I'm listening, then."  
  
Yugi looked at his lap. "It's a woman named Tea Gardener," he said without looking up. Marik chuckled softly. "I remember her. Pain in the ass, she was. Had I not been focusing on more important matters at the time, I think I would have gone and shoved a knife in her head."  
  
"Yes, well, that's exactly our feelings." Yugi looked up. "She's stalking my Yami and getting to be a real pain..." "I see," Marik nodded. "So you want me to kill her?" "No, "kill" was never part of the deal. When someone asks you, I just told you to "get rid of her"."  
  
***   
  
"KILL HER?!" Yami lifted Yugi up by the neck. "Kill," Yugi choked, "was never part of the deal. I just told him to uhhh... get rid of her." "Oh, I don't believe this." Yami dropped Yugi, and he landed on the floor hard. Yami ran his hands over his face. "Yugi, what have I taught you about Marik?" Yugi got up and brushed himself off. "Nothing, Dad." Yami gave the "if looks could kill you'd be dead". "Stop it!" Yugi yelled. "God damnit, Yugi, she wasen't doing THAT much damage!" "You'll rethink that once you go to school tomorrow." Yugi crossed his arms.   
  
"Arrrggghhhh," Yami moaned. "I don't care. We've got to stop Marik!"  
  
***  
  
Marik fiddled with the lock on Tea's window, and then opened it. 'I must be losing my touch,' he thought. 'Surely I can find a more creative way to kill someone. Ah well, I'm too busy to waste my creative talents on this broad.'  
  
Marik climbed in her window. There his future victim lie, in bed. He walked silently over to her, taking the knife out of his pocket. He stood over her, raised the knife, ready to strike. But then, the moonlight shining though the other window caught his knife, and he stopped. He lowered the knife and put it back in his pocket. He looked down at Tea, then up at the full moon. He saw his reflection in the window.  
  
"Dear Ra... what has become of me?" It was just like the night he killed his father.  
  
Marik knelt down by Tea's bed. He put his head over her sleeping body and cried silently.  
  
(Down the street)  
  
"Hurry UP, YUGI!" Yami yelled over his shoulder. "I'm going as fast as I can!" Yugi yelled. "Your legs are longer then mine, you know!" Yami ignored him. "I'll stop Marik myself, then. You're the one who got us into this mess in the first place." Yami silently crossed his fingers as he ran up to Tea's house. He began to fiddle with the lock on her door...  
  
---  
  
Tea woke up with the weight of someone on her. She looked down and rubbed the sleep out of her eye. "Marik?" she asked in a whisper, sure she was having another dream. He had tears in his eyes, running down his cheeks. Then Tea caught sight of the knife in his pocket and ghasped. Marik gently put his fingers to her lips. "Shhhh... It's okay, my dear."  
  
He leaned forward and gently put his lips to hers, then stood back and fled out of the open window. Tea stared after him and pinched herself. "Ow!"  
  
Weird. It wasen't a dream. Tea shook her head, pulled the covers up, and went back to sleep.  
  
Just after Tea started dreaming again, Yami stormed up into her room. He saw Tea's chest going up and down and breathed an inward sigh of relief. He saw the open door and walked over to it. The lock was broken. 'He's already been here?' Yami thought. 'No harm done?'  
  
Yami turned around and looked at Tea's room. The moonlight flooded through the other window. It was a full moon, shining on Tea's face, making her appear prettier. She had a small smile on her face as she slept.  
  
Was Yugi playing a joke on him? Whatever this was, Marik hadn't hurt Tea.  
  
He turned around and quietly closed the open window. Silently, he walked out of Tea's room, and looked back at her one last time. He closed the door.  
  
*** 


	6. Epilogue

Shut up!  
  
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Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.  
  
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"Weird," Yugi put down the kitchen phone. "I can't get a hold of Marik. Good thing I hadn't paid him yet, too."  
  
"Was Tea at school?" Yami asked.  
  
"Yeah. And it was weird. She was completely normal. And I don't mean Tea-normal, I mean normal-normal. She didn't bother me, no long rants about friendship, nothing..."  
  
Yami looked surprised. "Really?" Yugi nodded.  
  
"Well, I don't know what Marik did, but he took care of her." 


End file.
